


You Deserve It

by librapinof



Series: Phan Smut (Book) [23]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Bottom Dan Howell, Depressed!Dan, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay Dan Howell, Gay Phil Lester, Happy Ending, M/M, Sad!Dan, Smut, Top Phil Lester, True Love, caretaker, caretaker!Phil, fits of depression, mentions of low self esteem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 13:14:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14021013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/librapinof/pseuds/librapinof
Summary: "Can I ask for something special?" Dan asked, his voice barely a whisper as he solidified in his mind what he wanted, knowing it wasn't something they did often but it was something he knew he wanted tonight."You want me to eat you out, don't you," Phil cooed into Dan's ear, putting together what the gears in Dan's head were producing, "eat you out till you cum all over yourself."~*~*~aka the fic where dan falls into a fit of depression that lasts longer than usual and phil goes above and beyond to make dan feel better and more like himself, ending in phil treating dan to an amazing sexual highplease read tags for possible triggers://depression





	You Deserve It

Not every day was a good day; Dan knew that for a fact. When suffering from depression some days could definitely be worse than others. Some days Phil would never be able to guess that Dan was surviving through depression; other days it was like a slap in the face, the way Dan would hide himself from the world like he didn't even exist.

This week had been a week more like the latter of the two, Dan had barely left his own room except for the loo, mumbling soft thanks when Phil would bring in a bottle of water and a granola bar or two.

Monday had started like one of his "dailies," where Dan slept in later than usual and once finally awake didn't come out of bed. Phil shrugged it off as Dan's mind needing to catch up to Dan's body and left him be, bringing waters and snacks as needed, leaving little love notes with every trip into his room.

Tuesday and Wednesday were more or less the same as Monday, with one or two more trips out of his room than Monday but with no intentions of interacting with anyone or anything. If he ran into Phil in the hallway he would a mumble a soft "I love you" and continue on with his journey either to or from the bathroom and bedroom, leaving Phil to his own devices for two more days, minus the moments where Phil would drop off water and snacks for his boyfriend.

Thursday was when Phil really started to worry. It had become very uncommon for Dan to be out for the count for this long and Phil was really worried that Dan was not okay.

"Hey Dan," Phil said softly as he dropped of the morning round of a bottle of water and a bowl of grapes.

Dan grunted softly in response to Phil, his face half pressed into his pillow as hey laid there.

"Sweetheart, I'm a little worried, can I get you anything?" Phil asked softly, rubbing his fingertips gently between Dan's shoulder blades.

Dan shook his head as best he could in the pillow, opening his eyes to look up at Phil.

"Love you," Dan repeated, his eyes showing he really meant it even if he couldn't bring himself to smile.

"I know you do, baby, and I love you too. But I'm worried," Phil whispered soothingly as he switched to scratching between Dan's shoulder blades.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," Dan whispered softly, pulling the duvet over his head gently, his eyes closing again as his face stayed pressed into his pillow.

"Do you want to cuddle? Can I hold you?" Phil asked softly, knowing much better than to try and force any kind of touchy-feely on Dan.

"Please," Dan said softly, pulling the duvet down as an invitation for Phil to join him.

Phil wrapped his long arms around Dan's body, holding him tight to his chest as he felt his boyfriend's body relax. Phil smiled to himself as he felt Dan's breathing even out and his muscles fully relax as Dan melted into Phil's body.

Phil lay awake as he felt Dan fall asleep in his arms, his brain whirring about what could have gotten into Dan this time. It was a good sign that Dan was allowing cuddles, that showed his emotions were back on the rise, but it had really been a while since Dan had fallen this deep into his hole of depression.

Every few hours Phil would get up for two bottles of water and bowls of fruit, keeping both himself and his boyfriend at least kind of healthy for being completely immobile for an entire day. They stayed cuddled up for the entirety of Thursday, Phil being awake most of the time as he tried to plan something to ensure that Dan would be able to get better.

(ʃƪ ˘ ³˘)

On Friday morning Dan woke up first, surprisingly, and after a quick glance at the clock to see that it was 7:35 in the morning, he was reminded of his desperate need to pee, which was the reason he was even awake at what he deemed an unholy hour of the morning. He slipped himself from Phil's arms, leaving a little kiss on Phil's chin before he ran off to the bathroom to relieve himself.

Once finished he stood in the mirror gazing at himself and he couldn't lie – he looked like shit. He felt better than yesterday, that was for sure, but he didn't feel nearly good enough to join the real world again. He still felt the dread, dismay, sadness, and overwhelming crushing feeling that had been plaguing him since he woke up Monday morning. He could see the shower right behind him in the reflection of the mirror, yet couldn't gather the willpower to take a shower. His appetite was gone, he had no desire to eat but he couldn't disappoint Phil so every time a bowl of fruit or a granola bar showed up next to him he partook in it – the rational side of him thanked him for it, too.

He knew Phil was probably getting mad with the only thing he had said since Monday was some form of "I love you" but it was the only way he could convey that these emotions he was feeling were not anything Phil had done. He wished he could explain to Phil everything that was going through his head that had him locked away, but he couldn't even explain to himself what was going on, it just was for no real rhyme or reason (which is the real difference between a bad day and depression).

Dan turned away from the mirror, leaning against the counter as he took a deep breath, trying to gather all of his thoughts into a coherent line rather than a complete jumble. He couldn't completely figure out what was plaguing him, everything was running through his mind at a million miles an hour, attacking him from every angle. There was not a single ounce of positivity in his mind; it was just a barrage of negativity, disappointment, and pure dread. The only good he could process was that he loved Phil and Phil loved him, and that Phil wanted nothing more than for Dan to feel like himself again.

He splashed a bit of water on his face, took a long deep breath, and meandered his way back to the bedroom. He sighed in soft relief that Phil wasn't awake yet, knowing Phil would want to attempt to talk out Dan's emotions and that was something Dan really didn't feel like doing yet, he just wanted to be held, and so he crawled right back into bed and snuggled himself tight to his boyfriend, falling right back asleep as if he hadn't just been sleeping for the past four days (another true symptom that depression plagues people with).

(ʃƪ ˘ ³˘)

Around 9:45, Phil awoke to the sun peeking its way through the curtains in Dan's bedroom. He assumed he was first to wake up since Dan was still pressed tight to his chest, with his breathing soft and slow as he slept, what looked to be, peacefully under the duvet.

Phil pressed a sweet kiss to Dan's forehead before climbing out of the bed, wandering is way to the bathroom to begin his morning routine. He opted for his glasses for the day, assuming they were to be spending a lot of time in bed and he didn't want to deal with falling asleep in his contacts. As he brushed his teeth he ran through a mental checklist of things he planned to get done for his boyfriend today, the plan starting with a trip to the store.

Once he was done in the bathroom, he popped into his own room for a change of clothes and a cute little sticky note to write his note on. He changed lazily as he thought of what to write before he grabbed a pen and jotted his note down.

_Hey love, just popped to the store for a few more things for us. Be back before you know it. I love you, and I know you love me too._  
_-Love, Philly_ _♥_

Phil smiled softly as he left the note on Dan's bedside table next to a fresh bottle of water and a bowl of dry shreddies. He dropped another soft kiss to Dan's forehead, whispered a quiet "love you" and ducked out of their flat to the store for everything he needed to make his plan for the day work.

(ʃƪ ˘ ³˘)

Dan rolled over with a whine as the sun was right in his eyes and his bed seemed strangely cold. He pulled the duvet over his head to fight the light and patted around where Phil should have been.

He bolted up when he found the bed empty, surprised he hadn't felt Phil get up and not hearing him pad through the halls to come back. He reached to the bedside table, seeing fresh water and snacks before he noticed the note.

He sighed softly as he read it, his entire being calming down as he realised Phil was coming back, he was only gone temporarily, and he would be back to cuddle before he knew it.

He wished he had a little more control over his emotions, but the fear and panic of Phil being gone had toppled his emotions right over that edge to where hot tears streamed down his cheeks.

It was one of those moments where his emotions had more control that he did over himself. He was irrationally worried that Phil would leave him because of his days that would become weeks like this. He was more than sure he wouldn't even be alive right now if it wasn't for Phil, and all he did was lay in bed this past week and tell Phil he loved him. The note from Phil was cute and reassuring, but in a state where his emotions held more control, he couldn't rationalise that Phil wasn't actually gone for good.

Ignoring the bowl of shreddies next to him, he lay back down, curling up under his duvet to let the tears out, knowing it would do no good to fight his emotions. He let the tears flow until he fell back asleep, falling into a dreamless state where his body just worked to feel better.

(ʃƪ ˘ ³˘)

Phil returned from his shopping adventure around 1:00pm, fully expecting Dan to still be in bed. He dropped the bags as gracefully as possible onto the kitchen island before he made his way up to Dan's room, knocking softly before entering.

At a knock on the door, Dan bolted up, having only been half asleep at that point.

"Phil, you're home!" Dan nearly shouted as he jumped from the bed and into Phil's chest, nearly toppling the older man over.

"I'm home, yep, I'm here," Phil chuckled softly as he held on tight to Dan, praying to everything that came to mind that he wouldn't fall over.

"I missed you, I really missed you," Dan whispered softly into Phil's neck, his body shaking slightly at the exertion of effort after being bedridden for days and not yet eating.

"I missed you too, I just went to go buy a few things for you, baby," Phil cooed back softly, quickly noticing his boyfriend shaking, "are you alright?"

Dan nodded quickly, "now that you're here, yes I am."

Phil scanned the bedside table quickly, "now that I'm here will you eat?" His voice soft and gentle as asked.

Dan nodded, slower this time as he was succumbing to Phil's wishes, "Yes, I will."

"How about you sit in here and eat, I'll even bring a fresh bowl if you'd like, while I go set up a bunch of fun, but lazy, things for us to do today?" Phil offered with a gentle smile, finishing his sentence with a kiss to Dan's forehead.

"What kind of things?" Dan asked, more focused on that part of the request than the actual request to eat.

"You'll see, but you gotta be good for me first and get a little food into your system so that you can stay strong and awake for all of it," Phil answered, shaking his head playfully as Dan tried to get more information from him, "You'll find it all out as it happens, but I need a strong babyboy to participate with me."

Dan sighed softly at the petname, not having heard it in nearly a week, "fine, I'll eat a little while you go set up. But whatever you have planned better be good or I'm coming right back to this bed."

Phil chuckled softly, ruffling Dan's hair as he sat him back down on the bed, "I know you're feeling somewhat better than earlier because you're being sassy with me."

"Yeah, yeah, only cause I already had a good cry earlier. I didn't know I really needed it," Dan whispered softly between his chewing.

Phil sat down on the bed, "everything okay?"

"Almost," Dan answered honestly, giving a half smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "almost better but I know you'll get me there."

"I'll do anything for you," Phil replied softly, ruffling Dan's hair one more time before he climbed off the bed and left the room to set everything up for the two of them for the rest of the day.

(ʃƪ ˘ ³˘)

By 2:30pm Phil had everything set and ready for a night of fun between the two of them including a pillow fort and a bubble bath with the cutest bath fizzer he could find on his trip out.

Dan had been "banished" to the bedroom, where Phil had brought him a brand new bottle of water and a bowl of strawberries to munch on. He laid out on the bed, listening to Phil move around the house, daydreaming about what Phil could possibly be doing.

While he looked over at his phone, ignoring the 5 days of notifications he had to check the time, Phil ran into the room.

"It's all set, get ready for the best night of your life babyboy!" Phil practically yelled as he pounced right on top of Dan on the bed.

"Best night of my life?" Dan questioned, raising an eyebrow playfully at his boyfriend.

"Best night of your life, to date. I'll make sure you have even more better days," Phil answered, rolling his eyes playfully as he kissed Dan's nose, "now come on and get out of bed and join me."

Phil planted a wet sloppy kiss on Dan's cheek before he jumped off the bed, moving to stand in the doorway as he waited for Dan.

"You have too much energy, slow the fuck down," Dan grumbled, accidentally being a little rude as he wasn't emotionally back to what he liked to call 100%.

Phil ignored Dan's jabs, knowing he didn't really mean it as he reached a hand out for Dan to take, lacing their fingers together once Dan hand was in his and leading them down to their bathroom.

Set up in the bathroom was an array of unscented candles giving just enough light to see around the bathroom without the overhead lights on, a basket of bath bombs to choose from for Dan to dig though, a bottle of sparkling apple juice with their two favourite mugs, and more than enough big fluffy towels for them to wrap up in when done.

Dan's jaw nearly hit the floor as he took in the bathroom, noticing how perfectly dark and soft the atmosphere is for them to take the perfect bath together.

Phil knew Dan almost too well, and even after all these years together it astounded Dan how much Phil remembered that would make Dan feel better. He knew Dan wouldn't want it bright in the bathroom, but also knew how uncomfortable the complete darkness made him. He knew that he wouldn't want alcohol, it would make his emotions even more unstable and that was the opposite of what he wanted, and Phil somehow knew that Dan would enjoy picking the bath bomb, rather than leaving one out for him to drop into the bath.

"I love this," Dan whispered ever so softly, stepping up to the basket on the counter, "you know me too well, I love you so much," he added as he turned around to face Phil, suddenly overwhelmed with his emotions again as warm tears slipped from his eyes to streak down his cheeks.

"I love you too, Dan. I just want you to feel good, be happy, I want you to love life during the day," Phil answered, wrapping his long arms around Dan, holding him tight to his chest.

Dan sniffled softly as he held on tight to Phil's chest, gripping the shirt he was wearing tight in his fists, letting the tears flow silently as his he let his emotions be free.

"Hey babyboy, let's start the best bath of the year together," Phil cooed softly as Dan's sniffles died out, breaking apart from Dan to fill the tub, guiding his lover to the basket of bombs to pick whichever he wanted for the night.

"Can we mix two of them?" Dan asked softly, holding one in each hand that he wanted.

"Of course, which two?" Phil asked as he watched the tub fill.

"Glitter and Groovy," Dan answered, holding them up for Phil to see.

"That sounds like a great mix, drop 'em in," Phil said with an encouraging smile as he turned the water off.

"Get in with me first, then we'll drop them," Dan said, stripping himself from his 6 day old outfit to lower himself down into the bath, a small smile making its way across his face, finally starting to reach his eyes a little.

Phil smiled wide as he followed suit, dropping into the bath behind Dan, wrapping his arms around Dan's torso tightly, like he was holding his boyfriend together to keep him safe from the world outside of what they created.

"Ready?" Dan asked softly as he grabbed the bombs.

"Hell yeah," Phil replied with a smile, his jaw on Dan's shoulder as he watched Dan drop the bombs into the bath, starting off the best bath they could have in a long time.

(ʃƪ ˘ ³˘)

After as long in the bath as they could manage and a tickle fight during the drying process, they made it to the pillow fort Phil had set up in the lounge.

"Goddamn it, Phil, you're too fucking sweet on me," Dan mumbled as he gazed at the controlled chaos in the lounge.

"You deserve it, don't think anything less," Phil said as he came in from the kitchen, carrying a tray of takeout Chinese boxes.

"And you got food?!" Dan asked, his eyes bugging wide as he looked at the boxes, "I thought you would have tried to give me more healthy-ish foods."

"Nahh," Phil chuckled softly as he set the tray on the coffee table, "You deserve a day to treat yourself to nice things to help you feel like yourself again."

"I love you," Dan said, his tone the softest Phil had heard in a long time.

"I love you, too," Phil replied, stepping up to Dan to kiss his forehead softly, "now let's climb in, eat, and watch anything you want."

Dan smiled wide as they climbed in, grabbing the box of food Phil held out for him, and set up Match Game 75 on Phil's laptop that was set up right where they're heads were.

They ate in a comfortable silence, Dan gaining more and more energy as he ate, his laughter getting stronger through each joke that popped up in the show. Phil smiled to himself as he ate, watching the life return to his boyfriend, knowing Dan would talk about it when he was ready but tonight was not for talking, tonight was for living.

With full tummies and bright smiles the two boys laid cuddled tight to each other under the pillow fort, laughing together as they watched the silly TV show from the mid-seventies.

"Hey Phil?" Dan asked, looking up from Phil's chest.

"Yes, babyboy?" Phil replied with a soft smile, looking down at the boy in his arms.

"Thank you," Dan said softly, his eyes full of pride, love, and the smile on his face finally making its way into Dan's warm, chocolate brown eyes, "Thank you so much, for all of this, for giving a shit, for taking the time to set this up and bring me back.

Phil opened his mouth to reply but before he could Dan's lips were on his, expressing every feeling he just spoke against his lips. Phil kissed back with the same passion, their lips dancing together full of emotion and sparks like their first kisses all over again.

Phil ran a hand up, tugging gently on Dan's shaggy hair, causing the younger to gasp. Phil used the moment to dip his tongue into Dan's mouth, bringing their tongues together as the kiss grew more and more heated.

They kissed for another long moment before Phil pulled back for air, his breathing heavy as he asked, "how far do you want?"

Dan took a long moment to breathe, thinking on how much his emotions were ready for. Dan was passionate about anything sexual with Phil, cherishing every moment of Phil touching him, in him, or having his mouth on him, but after the emotionally draining week he had he was pretty sure he wasn't ready to go all the way with Phil tonight.

"Can I ask for something special?" Dan asked, his voice barely a whisper as he solidified in his mind what he wanted, knowing it wasn't something they did often but it was something he knew he wanted tonight.

"You want me to eat you out, don't you," Phil cooed into Dan's ear, putting together what the gears in Dan's head were producing, "eat you out till you cum all over yourself."

Dan nodded quickly, his voice escaping him as Phil spoke to him, the tent in his boxers painfully obvious as Phil's voice reached that deliciously sexy tone that would never fail to excite him.

"Well, you're wearing too many clothes for that, babyboy," Phil purred as he dipped his fingers into the waistband of Dan's (technically his) boxers.

Dan lifted his hips just right for Phil to pull of his boxers, inhaling sharply as the cooler air rushed his engorged cock.

"Please touch me," Dan begged ever so softly, laying his forehead on Phil's shoulder as a chill ran up his spine.

"As you wish," Phil replied, bringing his hand down to Dan's cock, loosely wrapping his long fingers around it and pumping ever so softly.

"Would you like me to tell me how I would like to do this, baby?" Phil asked as he pumped, knowing he was teasing Dan.

"Yes, what's your plan?" Dan asked, his voice weak as Phil barely gave him any of the friction he needed.

"I'm gonna lay you down on your back, and completely ravish you, baby. I'll bite, suck, nibble, and lick you out till you shake under me, spraying all over your own chest. Then, I'll kneel over you and finish myself, adding to the mess already all over you, cause I know how much you love being under the mess," Phil drawled out, his voice deeper than Dan had heard in a long time.

Eating Dan out was one of Phil's guilty pleasures; it was the only thing that could get him to cum in his own pants like a hormonal teenager. It was something he saved for special occasions because of what it did to him, but it was something he was more than willing to give to Dan tonight.

"Wanna suck you off, please," Dan whispered out, gathering his thoughts enough to speak with gentle confidence to show Phil he really wanted to.

"You sure?" Phil asked softly, tightening his fingers slightly on Dan's cock but slowing his movement.

"Yes, I do," Dan replied, thankful for Phil's slowing down so he could control his voice and fully consent to what he wanted.

"As you wish," Phil replied softly, "now lay down for me baby, I got work to do," he added as he let go of Dan's cock, playfully pushing him down onto his back to guide him into position.

Dan laid flat out on his back, spreading his legs wide and resting his thighs on Phil's shoulders as his lover positioned himself between Dan's legs.

"What a beautiful boy you are," Phil purred softly as his mouth hovered over Dan's cock, breathing hot air right down on it, "so beautiful."

Dan blushed a deep red at Phil's words, still lacking body confidence after his emotional turmoil. 

"Thank you," Dan whispered softly, letting his eyes close as Phil's' mouth moved lower.

Phil's hot breath over Dan's perineum sent shivers up Dan's spine as a teasing amount of pleasure snaked through is veins.

"Please," Dan asked softly, his fingers finding their way into Phil's hair.

Phil gave up on his teasing and went right for it, flattening his tongue and lapping against Dan's tight hole, once in a while circling around it with the tip before lapping back at it. He wrapped one arm around Dan's thigh and brought his other hand right under his tongue, gently rubbing his thumb on the tight ring of muscle.

Dan gasped loudly, his back arching up off the floor as pure pleasure shot through his body, Phil not giving any breaks as he worked his magic against his skin.

Phil smiled to himself as he worked, bringing his pointer finger up to gently push into his lover, using his saliva as lube to coat the digit. He gently rubbed around the tight walls, his tongue working along Dan's overly sensitive perineum as he stretched his lover open.

"Oh, Phil, oh!" Dan called softly, tugging on the raven locks between his fingers as his toes curled and his thighs tensed, his eyes squeezed shut as he could focus on nothing more than Phil's tongue on him.

Before he knew it, Phil had three fingers in his lover, moving them hard and fast through his lover as his tongue lapped around his fingers. He curled his fingers just right so that his fingers brushed against Dan's prostate with every push.

Dan writhed under Phil, struggling to stay in place as he lost himself to Phil's ministrations.

"Close, close, so close," Dan chanted out softly, his eyes squeezed shut as his neglected cock leaked all over his lower stomach, red and throbbing with need for relief.

"Me too," Phil shyly mumbled against Dan's skin, grinding his hips down against the pillow under him, creating just enough friction between his boxers and the pillow to assist how great getting Dan off like this made him feel.

Dan thrashed against the floor, tugging hard on Phil's hair as Phil's fingers pushed right against Dan's prostate with every hard thrust of his fingers, pulling him right to that edge of climax.

"Oh, oh, oh, Phil!" Dan chanted out as he came completely untouched all over his chest, seeing stars around him as his eyes flew open and he shot white hot ropes all over himself, even making it to his chin thanks to the force of his orgasm.

"Ah, ah, baby," Phil purred against Dan's skin, hitting his own high right after Dan, not stopping his movements at all until he was sure Dan was done.

Dan whimpered softly as he came down from his high, a louder whimper escaping his lips as he felt Phil removed his fingers from inside his body.

"You look so good like this," Phil panted softly as he tried to get himself together, "blissed out and covered in your own mess. How beautiful."

Dan blushed again as he moved to sit up, reaching a hand out to grab at Phil, expecting to take his boxers off to suck him off.

"Uh, sorry babyboy, I kind of..." Phil trailed off as he looked away from Dan, shy over the fact he came in his boxers.

"Oh my god, did you really?" Dan laughed softly, pulling Phil's boxers off to find a soft, cum messed cock under them, "you're so fucking cute, you know that right?"

Phil rolled his eyes, not being able to help the smile that flew across his face at Dan's comment, "It's cute I came in my pants? You weirdo."

"My weirdo," Dan replied, pulling Phil's boxers as far as he could reach, encouraging Phil to pull them off.

Phil kissed Dan's nose as he wiggled his way out of his soggy boxers, reaching for the towel he had guessed they might need to clean up Dan's chest and his soft member, taking his time and being a little extra gentle with the aftercare.

"I know I said this already, but thank you so fucking much, Phil," Dan whispered softly as he cuddled back into Phil's chest as he was finally clean.

"I love you, you deserve it," Phil reiterated as he tossed the towel aside and wrapped his long arms around his lover.

"You make me believe I do," Dan whispered, peppering little kisses all over where he could reach on Phil's chest, "and tomorrow we can talk it out. But right now, I want to sleep."

"Go ahead, sleep babyboy," Phil said with a smile, kissing into Dan's hair with a soft smile, "I'll listen to anything and everything you need, want, or have to say."

"Love you," Dan mumbled sleepily, "thank you," fast asleep as he finished mumbling to his lover. 

"Love you, too," Phil replied softly, smiling down at his boyfriend as he thought about how much he really did love and care for the boy he'd do and give anything for.


End file.
